Project GAME
by Shalimar The Geek
Summary: The acronym GAME stands for "Genetic Analysis of Megapopular Entities." As in, finding out what famous people and characters are made of. So put on your GAME face and prepare for liftoff. Happy happy Legolas bashing in Ch. 1


PART 1: Subject One  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this junk. You should know that by now. And all the characters are entirely fictitious, as is the story. There's some speculation about the Chupacapra, but-that's a different story. And, as far as I know, there is no funky experiment going on in the Caribbean.  
  
PROLOGUE  
  
You walk up to the building, checking your map to make sure it's the right place. Yep. It's the only building in sight, big and chrome- colored and completely glass. The Pleiades- Mobley Government Research Facility. Located on a tiny island in the Caribbean, this is supposedly the place where the legendary genetically-altered chupacapra originated. You walk cautiously into the huge entryway, nervously checking your watch. At the front counter, behind a large fountain with strange fish, a smiling receptionist greets you. "Ah, Inspector, we're pleased to have you. Right this way." You follow her to a giant enclosed-glass elevator, and are suddenly reminded of that Kamino scene from Episode 2. The receptionist pushes the "25" button. "You will find that our research is moving along quite swiftly. We have already managed to isolate the dominant genes in our first test subject. We are very proud." You smile faintly. This is weird.  
  
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"Ah, Inspector! So good to see you!" White lab coat flapping, Dr. Delta Rivers (heh, my doctor-alias) rushed to greet the Inspector. Her dark hair was pulled back in a bun, and glasses were perched on her nose. "Our progress is coming along extraordinarily quickly. May I offer you something to drink?" The Inspector asked for coffee. Dr. Rivers clapped her hands once, and an intern scurried forward and handed the Inspector a mug with "MP RESEARCH CENTER" stamped on it. And through all this, Dr Rivers-who was a well-known genetic scientist who was part of the crew who first isolated the human genome- was leading the Inspector briskly down a hall lined with doors, never slowing her stride. The Inspector was out of breath. All along the hallway there were rooms: 202, 203, 204, 205, 206..they stopped when they got to the next room. Over the "207" sign, someone had taped a piece of paper with "666" and a smiley face on it. The plaque beside the door read:  
  
Dr. Vega Pleiades  
  
Psychiatrist  
  
"This is where Dr. Pleiades does the test of sanity on all our subjects. Perhaps you've heard of her; she's quite famous. She's a psychological expert". The Inspector nodded. They went inside. It was very dim in the room, and furnished richly. Two chairs and a couch framed a little table, on which a candle was burning. The air was fragrant and perfumy. A large oak desk squatted at the front of the room, to the right of the closed window. At the desk sat a lady, wearing a dark velvet dress and busily writing something. In the chair across from her sat a young man hooked up to a machine. The machine looked like a cross between a lie detector and a stereo. Across its screen, little lines and arrows jumped and skittered. The young man had long, blonde hair and was dressed rather oddly. He looked nervous and tense. The lady looked up from whatever she was writing. "What a pleasant surprise! Hello, Delta, how's it going? And Inspector, I trust you're doing well?" Her voice was low and rather spooky. The Inspector nodded, and Dr. Rivers grinned. "he's insane, right?" The young man looked up at Dr. Rivers and blushed a deep red. "Hi, Dr...Dr. Rivers. Inspector." His voice was pleasing to behold, but Dr. Rivers glared at him. "Shut up and finish your questions, Legolas. Dr, Pleiades, please continue as if we weren't here." Dr, Pleiades nodded, mimicking the Inspector. "We will continue, Legolas. It's time for the Random Association test. You know the drill, right? I say a word, and you reply with the first thing that pops into your mind. Got it?" the young man nodded, and sighed a sigh that could break the hearts of the angels. The Inspector was getting misty-eyed.  
  
"Trout", said Dr. Pleiades. "Water buffalo".  
  
"Boy." "George."  
  
"Hair" "Paul Mitchell"  
  
"Love" "Dr. Ri-uh, wait never mind..." Dr. Rivers sent him a glare that could freeze fire.  
  
"Fangirls." "Took my pants." Random snickers from outside the room, where interns and assistants were gathered round, listening in through the intercom. The interns were supposed to be taking notes, but...  
  
"Your pants" "Ebay, $1200." Dr. Pleiades sighed.  
  
"Uh..giraffe?" "tall."  
  
"Well, he got one right," muttered Dr. Rivers to the Inspector.  
  
"Okay, it's time for the Rorsach Random Inkblot Test." "Why are all the tests 'random,' Dr. Pleiades?" "Because they are." "When we're done testing my sanity, can I have a free session with you? Like a regular client?" The interns snickered, and Vega frowned. "Hunh? Oh, a psychiatric consultation. Sure. Quick, what's this?" She held up a mothlike inkblot on a card. "A butterfly."  
  
"and this?" "Meatloaf." "A burrito." "Erm...me?" More snickers. This guy was the most fun the interns had had in a looooong time. Apparently he wasn't from here. They were already planning deviously how they would convince him to dress in drag and appear at the Karaoke Barn that night. ****************************************  
  
"So what're the results? Huh?" The Inspector had left, satisfied, and Dr. Rivers was pestering Dr. Pleiades. "Well, Delta, we've still got one more question-and-answer session, care to watch? I need someone to stop me in case I decide to kill him with a paperweight." Dr. Rivers nodded enthusiastically, although she doubted she'd stop the psychiatrist. "You'll have to wait outside, though, because he tends to get a bit-er-nervous around you." Delta Rivers, scowling, switched on the intercom and slunk outside. Legolas entered, and Dr. Pleiades, to the delight of fangirls around the world, asked him to remove his shirt. She then hooked him up to the machine again, which was humming ominously. "Okay, Femme Boy, last questions. Take your time and answer truthfully."  
  
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Legolas was scared. Dr. Pleiades seemed to have no soul. And not a drop of fangirl blood. He had come to this conclusion because of two things: She seemed unfazed when he had tried to stun her with his amazing shirtless gorgeousness in order to make his escape, and it hadn't worked. Second, couldn't she see he needed some help? He had volunteered for this project only because Dr. Rivers was involved. The measly $2000 he earned would likely go towards hair products.  
  
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They exited the office, and then the shirtless guy formally known as Legolas. He was pleased to note that several female nurses and interns and assistants watched as he strutted down the hall, though they tended to shrink back when they saw Dr. Pleiades. She led him to the Evaluation and Development room on the 14th floor, where the panel of doctors assigned to Project G.A.M.E. were waiting. They were seated at a long mahogany table in the dark and grandly furnished room. Dr. Pleiades waved Subject One toward the head of the table, where he stood trying to look intimidating and too sexy for his shirt, although he was failing. Several doctors chuckled. The psychiatrist addressed the panel. "As you know, Femme Boy here is our Subject Number One. And as in the books written by a dead guy, he is quite insane. And more macho than he looks." The doctors groaned simultaneously. "His ailments include mild social anxiety disorder and a mild fear of necrophiliacs." Dr. Pleiades grinned evilly. "He is also afraid of the dark. What, Doctor Castillo?" Dr. Castillo spoke up. " Wasn't he a bedwetter until the age of- good God- twelve?" The doctors snickered, sounding much like they had when they were interns. Legolas blushed scarlet. "Uh, well, I really didn't think to ask him that." The doctors simultaneously cringed. "But, since we can't genetically dissect his DNA unless he's sane, here ya go!" She shoved a piece of paper marked "Certificate of Sanity" in fancy letters at Legolas, after she signed it with a flourish. "This meeting of Project G.A.M.E. is adjourned." 


End file.
